Are You Hot?
by RisingSun13
Summary: The Search for the Sexiest Ranma Characters. The ultimate competition between the characters of Ranma 1/2, as they enter TV's newest reality show to discern the truth.
1. Chapter 1: The Amazons

DISCLAIMER:  I don't own the Ranma characters, or the show "Are You Hot: the Search for America's Sexiest People".  Actually, Rumiko Takahashi would probably have a seizure if she found out her characters were being abused like this.  **Are You Hot?  The Search for the Sexiest Ranma Characters**

By RisingSun

Bright lights flash around the stage, and three judges sit facing the stage.  The host of the show struts out from one of the side doors.  She tosses her hair and beams at the cheering crowd.  

**Host:**  Hi there!  Welcome to the show, "Are You Hot?" dedicated to deciding once and for all WHO are the sexiest characters from Ranma ½.  _Applause and catcalls_  Now, we're here today with our three judges, who'll get to pick the best looking hotties from the series!  _More applause, names are shouted out from the audience_.  Meet Anna, Bob, and Chris, our judges!  _Cheering_.  Now, what do you three have to say about our contestants today?

**Anna:** Well, considering that "Ranma ½" is about teenage martial artists, I'm sure that we'll get a pretty *hot* show tonight.

**Chris:**  Even so, I've heard that there are some pretty wrinkled old goats in the story too.

**Bob:**  What I'm curious about is whether Ranma is going to show up as either a girl or boy.  It'll be a good show either way.  _Lecherous grin_  

**Host:**  Excellent!  Now that we've established that, let's bring out our first contestant for today, Shampoo!  _Cheers_

Bright lights flash, and a side door opens.  At first, we are blinded by the intense lighting.  A voluptuous, purple haired girl comes bouncing out.  Shampoo is wearing a skimpy, strapless two-piece bikini, with a detached mandarin collar.  The white silk is decorated with dark blue Chinese flower patterns.  

**Host:**  Here all the way from China, this Amazon warrior works as a waitress in the famous Cat Café, a ramen noodle shop.  She enjoys riding her bike and spending time with her airen.  A shout is heard from backstage, but is instantly muffled She's bouncy, energetic, and willing to please!  Cheering from her fans Well, judges, what do you have to say?

**Anna:**  Shampoo, you have a beautiful and exotic face.  Your lashes are to die for!  I'll have to give you a 9.5 on that.  

**Shampoo:**  Thank you!  Blinks and smiles widely.  She strikes a pose, giggling

**Bob:**  Whoohoo!  Nice legs!  Umm… are those real?  

**Shampoo:**  What real?  

**Bob:**  Your boobs.

**Shampoo:**  Eh…. Heh heh…

**Bob:**  C'mon, the truth!  

**Shampoo:**  Shampoo get a little help from ancient spell, but no important.

**Bob:**  Yes, yes… over all, I'd give a 9.  You have a very curvy body, but I'll have to take points off for the … assistance.  Shampoo pouts for a second, but giggles and waves to the crowd, bouncing on her toes

**Chris:**  Hmm… I'd say… an 8.5 for sex appeal.  Boos from the audience You're very sexy, Shampoo, but you're a little too forward.  Try being a little bit more reserved—mystery always seduces well.  

**Shampoo:**  Huh.  Starts to look a little irritated

**Host:**  hurriedly Thank you Shampoo!  Shampoo bounces off, though a little less energetically than when she came on Now, our next contestant is also from the famous Amazon village, which is renowned for it's fighters and beautiful people!  Bright flashing lights.  The side door opens I give you, Shampoo's great great great sweat drop great grandmother, Cologne!  

There are screams of horror as Cologne comes into view.  The shriveled old ghoul is (thankfully) only in a one-piece bathing suit with a large yin-yang on the front, but even that leaves too much for imagination.  Cries of agony from the back of the room punctuate the pale, sweating faces of the audience members.  Parents hide their children's eyes.  

**Host:**  Cologne owns the Cat Café, and enjoys making potions.  She loves jewelry.  

**Bob:**  with averted eyes Ok, ok, let's make this quick.  Cologne, you get a zero for you face, a zero for your body, and a zero for sex appeal.  

**Chris:**  Next!  

**Cologne:**  I'll have you know that I was beautiful in my youth… a picture of the young shampoo appears from nowhere

**Anna:**  When was that… the Mesozoic era?  

**Cologne:**  Watch your mouth, young lady. She waves her stick threateningly I could beat your…

**Host:**  Let's move on now, shall we?  Cologne leaves the stage All right!  The next contestant is the last one from the Amazon village… Mousse!

The audience members start to revive as a well-built young man strides out from the previously unused side door.  Mousse is not wearing his glasses, and his eyes flash.  He wears small black swim trunks.  

**Host:**  The rumor is that men from the Amazon village are weak and subservient, but this here, ladies and gentlemen, is one fine specimen of a man!  applause  Mouse is the master of the Hidden Weapons Technique, and can… the host trails off when he sees Mousse posing and flexing in front of the exit door  Umm… hello?  Mouse?  The stage is over here?  someone hands Mousse a pair of glasses.  He flushes and goes onto the stage.  … Umm, did I mention that he has terrible eyesight?  Well judges?  What say you?

**Chris**:  Hm, sexy eyes there.  But please don't wear the glasses.  And what's with the hair, dude?  I mean, come on, it makes you look like a girl!  I'll give you an 8.3.  boos from audience

**Mousse:**  strained smile  …

**Anna:**  But you have got some hunky body!  What is that, a six-pack?

**Mouse:**  proudly  Of course!  Flexes stomach muscles, to the delight of the crowd

**Anna:**  fanning herself  Hooo!  I'll have to give you a 9.4 for that!  Cheering.  Mousse smiles

**Bob:**  Overall sex appeal… well man, you have great potential, but I don't think you quite do as much with it as you could, y'know?  I'd give you an 8.9.  Boos from the fans.  Mousse accepts this calmly.  

**Host:**  Thank you Mouse!  Mouse goes off stage.  The person who lent him the glasses goes shouting after him.  A scuffle ensues, and a duck potty comes flying out.  

**Chris:**  Now where did he hide that?  

**Host:**  Eh… well… stay tuned to the show!  Coming up next, after the commercials, we get to meet the Tendo family.  Those three sisters are well worth watching!  Theme song plays, cameras zoom out  

A/N:  Heh, aren't I inspired?  I know, this is very different from my other, dramatic angsty fics.  But I couldn't help it, really!


	2. Chapter 2: The Tendos

**Are You Hot?  The Search for the Sexiest Ranma Characters Continued**

By RisingSun

**Host**:  Hi, and welcome back to the show "Are You Hot: the Search for the Sexiest Ranma ½ Characters!"  We're back with Anna, Bob, and Chris— hi there!  _Waving_ Before the commercial break, we evaluated the Chinese Amazons: Shampoo, Cologne, and Mousse.  Now we would like to present to you the esteemed and admired Tendo family from Nerima! The patriarch of the Tendo Dojo, Soun Tendo, is an accomplished Master of the Anything Goes style, a highly select school under the direct tutelage of…  eh? _Cameraman passes a note to the Host.  She reads it, blanches, and sweat drops_ Uh… never mind that now… Soun Tendo!

Side door opens, and Soun strides out, a picture of dignity and bearing.  He is the Soun that Miss Hinako sees when she looks at the usually erratic man.  Well… he would be… if he weren't wearing that ridiculous, striped, full-body bathing suit… 

**Bob**: Oh God!  What are you wearing? _Snickers from crowd_ Points off for that obscene bathing suit… eww… 

**Chris**:  Nice build though.  Must come from those years of martial arts training.  The broad shoulders and chest are a plus.  We'll give you a 7.8 for your body.    

**Soun**:  Of course… of course…  _Tears are seen to leak from the corners of his eyes_

**Anna**:  Your face isn't bad either… very manly.  The moustache is cute.

**Soun**:  _immediately brightens_ Why, thank you young lady!

**Anna**:  But what did you do to your hair?  You aren't a preschool girl growing your bangs.  I'll have to give you a 7.2 for the face.  _some cheers of agreement, some boos_

**Bob**:  Yeah, yeah, not too shabby man, but… THAT SUIT!  OH MY GOD, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT… THAT THING?  IT'S LIKE A GRANDMA SUIT!  _murmurs of agreement from the audience_  I'll have to give you a 4.2 for sex appeal.  Sorry.  

**Soun**:  _Sobs, and leaves the stage_.  

**Host**:  Whew!  All right folks, the moment you've all been waiting for!  The Tendo sisters!  _Loud cheering and applause_  The first sister to grace the stage:  Kasumi Tendo!  _Thunderous applause_  

Bright lights flash, and a side door opens.  A leggy figure in a shoulder-less, conservative swimsuit floats out.  Kasumi's light brown hair hair swishes behind her in a loose ponytail tied with a ribbon the same checked, pastel green as her outfit.  She smiles gently at the crowd, causing them to cheer even louder.  She comes to the front of the stage, her ponytail resting over her right shoulder.  

**Bob**:  _all dreamy eyed_ Wahh…. Ah……  ah….

**Host**:  Kasumi is the oldest of the Tendo trio.  She's a gentle homemaker with excellent culinary skills.  Her calm disposition and loving optimism makes her a pillar of comfort and stability in a chaotic household.  At eighteen, she is the universal favorite at homes, markets, and chiropractic clinics everywhere in Nerima.  _Loud cheering_  Judges?  

**Bob**:  That smile is so amazingly sweet, yet secretive and seductive at the same time.

**Kasumi**:  Seductive?  Oh my…

**Bob**:  And your hair is like a shampoo model's.  That ponytail is so cute!  I think I'll give you a 9.8 for your face.  _Wild, ecstatic cheering from the crowd_.  

**Kasumi**:  Thank you!  You're so kind.  _Smiles more and waves demurely at her fans_

**Chris**:  You have a beautiful body too. Your skin is so smooth.  But you could loose a little weight around the hips, maybe…  _Hissing and boos from the crowd_  No, no, I'm serious.  I'm just being honest.  And your chest could be a little bigger… gak!  _gets hit by several eggs, vegetables, mallets, tables, and pandas_  I'll give you an eight point… eh_?  sees something rising in front of him_.  Is that a… head?  Gah!!!  _Soun's demon head comes roaring out in all it's glory_  

**Soun**:  _DID YOU INSULT MY KASUMI YOU INGRATE????????_

**Chris**:  _cowers_  No sir… of course not… eh…   eh… 9.2?  _Demon head deflates_  Eh…

**Kasumi**:  _frowning ever so slightly_  Really, that was very unnecessary.  _Confusion as to whether she's talking to Chris or to Soun_  

**Host**:  Let's move on.

**Anna**:  Kasumi, I wouldn't exactly qualify you as "hot", as you have most class and elegance from any contestant on this show as of yet.  Congratulations, honey, you're beautiful!  _Wild applause_  

**Kasumi**:  _blushes_  Thank you.  

**Anna**:  I'll give you a 9.7 for sex appeal.  _Standing ovation from the audience_  

**Kasumi**:  _blushes even more_  Oh… thank you.  

**Soun**:  _appears out of no where, sobbing his head off_  Oh, Kasumi!  I'm so proud of you!!!  

**Bob**:  _moaning_  Good grief, why is he still wearing that bathing suit?  

**Host**:  Mr. Tendo, if you can't control yourself… _men in white suits drag Soun off the stage, still crying_ Kasumi, thank you.  _Kasumi nods, still smiling, and leaves_  Here's the most controversial of the sisters, Nabiki Tendo!

The lights go dim, bright lights flash, a band starts to play, and sparkly confetti falls from the ceiling.  A red carpet rolls onto the stage.  Nabiki sashays out of a door, wearing a sleeveless, wrap-around, dark red "dress" that barely covers the vital areas.  She and the dress are covered with diamonds.  Catcalls and whistles erupt as she sends out a series of brilliant smiles and calculated waves.  

**Host**:  Where did you get all that… stuff?  _She gestures to the band, confetti, and red carpet_  

**Nabiki**:  _Whips out a microphone_  Why, I blackmailed the staff into getting me my proper introduction.  Duh.  _She flashes another brilliant smile_  

**Host**:  Uh… Well!  Ladies and gentlemen, you haven't met an independent woman until you've met Miss Nabiki Tendo, age seventeen!   Notorious at Furinken High as the resident loan shark, and prominent amongst Japan's esteemed as the next big-shot businesswoman; Nabiki loves money and is excellent at getting WHATEVER she wants!    _Mumbling from crowd_  Anna?  Would you like to go first? 

**Anna**:  I like what you've done with your hair, though it's still a little chunky in the bangs department.  The way your hair dips slightly longer in the front is cute and sophisticated.  Otherwise it would be like a toddler's haircut.  

**Nabiki**:  _sarcastically_  Gee, thanks.  

**Anna**:  _slightly phased_  Um… Your face is… interesting…

**Nabiki**:  Interesting, huh?  _Eyebrows lower_  

**Anna**:  See!  See!  Normally, your face is unreadable—that can turn a guy off.  _Murmurs of agreement_  But when you show emotions you get expression.  Especially with pissy fits.  Like just now.  Your eyes get this glamorous, Elizabeth Taylor look when you're glaring, and boy, that is hot!  _Cheers of agreement_

**Nabiki**:  Nice try, but I'll wait for your final points verdict.  

**Anna**:  Eh heh… I'll say… a… 9.0 for the face…  _boos from Nabiki's fans_

**Nabiki**:  *sigh*  I knew it.  

**Bob**:  But hold it, your BODY!  You're in shape and looking pretty darn good.  Do you take martial arts?  

**Nabiki**:  *snort* Yeah right.  That'll just give me big muscles.  _sour expression_  I just exercise like a normal person.  

**Bob**:  And it works!  Um… are those real?  

**Nabiki**:  You mean these?  _Points at her chest_

**Bob**:  Yeah.  

**Nabiki**:  _Rolls her eyes_  Please… do you think I'd spend good money on jello balloons?  These are as real as you can get.  

**Bob**:  *grin*  Very nice… very nice… Sexy legs, shapely body, I'd give you a 9.8.  _Wild cheering, whistles, and catcalls_  

**Nabiki**:  _Strikes a pose_  Thanks.  I'll take 25% off your interest rate.  

**Bob**:  Thanks.  

**Chris**:  Your fashion sense is chic and sexy, and you have the sensual, dangerous, don't-touch-me attitude that's so appealing to the guy.  I'll give you a 9.6 for sex appeal.  _Deafening applause and yells_

**Nabiki**:  Point one less than Kasumi… I guess I can handle that.  _Shoots another toothy grin at the audience, and exits stage left_

**Host**:  Can someone clean up that mess?  Ok—here we go, the last contestant before commercials… Here's Furinken's sweetheart: Akane Tendo!  _Mix of enthusiastic applause and disgusted boos and cries of "Go out with me Akane Tendo_!"

Bright lights flash, and Akane runs out, waving exuberantly at the crowd, and calling out greetings to her cheering friends.  She's wearing a yellow bikini with a sports bra type top.  In the middle of the top is a plastic bunny rabbit head and carrots.  

**Host**:  She's the heir to the Tendo dojo and a martial artist with considerable power.  Every boy wants to date her, and every girl wants to be her.  But, folks, she's taken!  Engaged at the tender age of sixteen to the famous Ranma Saotome!  _Shouts and shrill cries of "uncute tomboy!" and "I'M the real fiancé!" are heard from backstage_

**Akane**:  I'm not engaged to that baka.  

**Host**:  Of course… of course… Ahem.  Akane is the youngest of the three girls, and the most temperamental.  She enjoys sports, acting, and cuddling with her pet pig P-chan.  

**Chris**:  Hi Akane!  

**Akane**:  _smiling_  Hi Chris!  

**Chris**:  I'm your biggest fan!  

**Akane**:  _smiling even wider_  Thanks!  

**Chris**:  Will you go out…

**Host**:  _kicking him_  Get on with it!  

**Chris**:  Akane, you are so cute!  

**Akane**:  *blush* You really think so?

**Chris**:  Yeah, Ranma doesn't deserve you.  

**Host**:  Hello?  Chris?  You're a judge, not a suitor.  Say something critical or I'll tell Kuno you're a rival.  

**Chris**:  _sweatdrop_ Ah… your hair sucks.  It's boring and ugly and badly cut.  

**Akane**:  What?  _Face gets a little red_  

**Chris**:  Eh… heh heh… but you're still cute!  I'll give your face a 9.4.  

**Akane**:  _tight smile_ Ok.  

**Anna**:  My turn?  Yay.  _Eyes gleam evilly_  You're thighs are too thick, you're built like a stick, you're dumb as a brick…

**Akane**:  WHAT????????????  _Whips out a mallet_ SAY THAT AGAIN????

**Anna**:  _shies away and gives an apologetic shrug_ Sorry, I couldn't resist.  But it's true.  You have no boobs, your legs are stocky, and you're too muscle-y.  I'll give you an 8.3 for your body.  _Again, mixed response from audience_.

**Host**:  Akane, if you want to stay in the competition, you'll have to put down the truck.  

**Akane**:  ZEEEEEEEE… ZEEEEEEEEE…  ZEEEEEE………  _calms down a little_  Ok… ok… I'm good. 

**Host**:  Ok, Bob, you're up.  

**Bob**:  _nervously_  Um… well… Akane, you're a pretty little girl and all, but… that's exactly the problem.  You're more of a cute kid than a gorgeous young woman.  I'll have to give you an 8.3 for sex appeal.  

**Akane**:  ZEEEEEEEE… ZEEEEEEEEE…  ZEEEEEE………  

**Host**:  Akane… Akane!  Umm… folks, we'll be right back after the break.  (Akane!  Put down the ladder!)  Coming up next are the Kunos!  Stay tuned!  (Akane, get back here!  I don't want to have to disqualify you!)  

TBC…  

Nyeh, that was fun!   Please C&C, and maybe give suggestions on what points the other characters should get and why!  


	3. Chapter 3: The Kunos

Are You Hot?  The Search for the Sexiest Ranma ½ Characters Continued 

By Rising Sun

**Host**:  Welcome back to show "Are You Hot?  The Search for the Sexiest Ranma ½ Characters"!!!  We apologize for the long commercial break… smoothes out a stray lock of hair and unconsciously touches a large Band-Aid on her shin.  We had a little difficulty getting Akane to… calm down… Anyhow!  We're back, and that's all that matters, right?  loud cheering  Now, to the Kuno family!  First off, we have the dashing Tatewaki Kuno!

Bright lights flash for a moment.  Suddenly, the lights go out.  Startled shrieks punctuate the surprised silence.  A flash of lightning pierces the darkness, illuminating a tall figure posed in the center of the stage, followed by a crash of thunder.  A single spotlight focuses on the bare-chested man dressed in an indigo hakama.  A long sash is tied around his waist.  He holds a red rose between his teeth.  All is silent.  

**Host**:  Uhhmmm… Kuno raises his head and tosses the rose gently towards her  Ohhh…

**Kuno**:  Fair maiden… They call me… the Blue Thunder of Furinken High. Lightning flashes and latches onto the tip of a bokken that has come out of nowhere  I am the rising star of the Kendo club… smiles slowly at the crowd I am… TATEWAKI KUNO, AGE SEVENTEEN!!!  a crash of thunder emphasizes his words

**Host**:  Siiighhhh… smells her rose absently, a large smile plastered on her face

**Anna**: Siiighhhhh….  hearts appear in place of pupils  

**Bob**:  eyeing Anna and the Host suspiciously, mumbling  Right.  Never seen THIS reaction to Kuno before…  shakes his head Apparently, Kuno can make his own introductions.  

**Chris**:  HOW does he do the thunder and lightning thing???  

**Anna**:  Hmmm?  Oh… shakes her head dreamily  Who cares?  9.7 for your face, _Tate_.  So _manly_.  And your tousled hair is so sexy and adorable!  And that smoldering gaze of yours…  

**Chris**:  And "blue" thunder?  Thunder is a sound!  You can't have a color for a sound!!!

**Bob**:  irritatedly  Well, Kuno, I have to admit… you ARE pretty buff.  You have your height going for you, and I'm guessing kendo has really helped you develop those biceps and shoulder muscles.  I'd have to say a 9.5 for your bod…

**Chris**:  And how come he gets lightning even indoors? Unfairness, I say!

**Anna**:  Kuno baby, I guess I'll just have to give you a 9.8 for overall sex appeal!!!  gasps from audience  

**Bob**:  WHAT???

**Host**:  Mmmm…. 

**Kuno**:  upon hearing the final verdict YOU HEAR THAT SAOTOME???  NINE POINT EIGHT!!!  VILE SCOUNDREL, I CHALLENGE YOU TO DEFEAT SUCH A FLAWLESS SCORE AS THAT!!!  I DEFEAT YOU, CUR!!!  YOU MUST NOW ACCEPT MY SUPREMACY AND THE YIELD THE PIGTAILED GODDESS TO ME!!!

**Host**:  blink blink  Huh?

**Anna**:  Wha…?  all female audience members are shaken back to their senses… and sanity

**Bob**:  smirks smugly  Aaaaand then he opens his big mouth.  

**Kuno**:  rambles on and on incoherently 

**Host**:  blushing furiously  Well.  Ahem, yes.  Fortunately for Tatewaki Kuno, this contest is based on physical appearances… not… intellect.  His score will remain the same despite… discrepancies… between his outward and inward… quality…….. yeah…. Thank you, Kuno!  Kuno struts off, still babbling

**Host**:  Up next, we have Tatewaki's sister, Kodachi Kuno!

Bright lights flash, and a side door opens.  Kodachi sails out in a black leotard.  At first it looks like the one she wears all the time, but as she approaches the front of the stage it becomes obvious that this one is much more classy.  The important parts are covered with crushed black velvet cut in the shape of roses, and the whole suit is held together with black silk mesh.  However, a large, black felt rose adorns her side ponytail.  Cheering and catcalls from the crowd, as well as murmurs of fear.  

**Host**:  Mistress of the filthy rich House of Kuno, Kodachi is an expert gymnast whose skill at the art of subterfuge and cheating are matched only by a Miss Nabiki Tendo.  Kodachi enjoys cooking and gardening, but don't muddle up this classic beauty with any Martha Stewart type matron.  She's a dangerous one—ruthless, determined, and willing to go the distance for her man!

**Chris**:  Your lips are gorgeous.  They're… blood… red.  

**Kodachi**:  Ohohohoho!  Why thank you.  

**Chris**:  Your eyes are a little small, but that makes them more seductive.  Unfortunately… I can't stand your ponytail.  I mean, come on.  We're not living in the 80's.  

**Kodachi**:  narrows eyes  

**Chris**:  But overall, very striking.  I'll have to give your face a 9.3.  cheering from audience.

**Kodachi**:   Haughtily My gratitude.  

**Anna**:  Your thighs are enormous, and a little flabby.  Doesn't gymnastics give you a good enough workout?  

**Kodachi**:  Asides from leaping in the air, I mainly focus on upper body tactics.  Produces ribbons, hoops, and spiked clubs.

**Anna**:  Ehhhh… heh heh… I'll have to give you an 8.5 for your body. boos from audience  The upper half is nicely developed, but don't wear such short outfits until you've toned the leg muscles some more.  

**Kodachi**:  twirling her ribbon idly  Wench, I'll deal with you later.  Meanwhile… produces a bouquet of black flowers  These are for you… shudders from audience members.  Some pull out gas masks  

**Anna**:  Why thank you!  reaches out

**Host**:  SECURITY!!!  Masked men in black sail out of nowhere and seize the poisonous roses  Please, continue.  

**Bob**:  Kodachi… I think overall I'll give you an 8.9.  You are beautiful, but you don't _work_ it.  A little more color in those cheeks, as well as a smaller obsession with the gaudy eyes the rose in her hair and lethal gestures towards the ribbons, and you could have been a potential winner.  Sorry.

**Kodachi**:  scowling  You are all peasants… leaps off cackling Ohohoho… I will get my revenge on you!!! a shower of black rose petals descend from ceiling  

**Host**:  sweatdrops, and mutters into mouth piece.  Masked men in black sneak backstage.  Beams at audience.  The last member of the Kuno family here today… I present, Principal Kuno!

Bright lights flash and a man in Hawaiian print board shorts leaps out.  He is badly sunburned and, aside from having a lot of sand in his unkempt hair, wears a miniscule palm tree on the top of his head.  His sunglasses flash as he grins widely at the audience, distracting them from the gleam of metal in his hands. There are shrieks from the front row as a trio of high school girls realizes their hair is no longer on their heads, but rather in the fist of the laughing maniac in front of them.  

**Host**: wearing a swimming cap and clutching her head Representing the hottie-hangout of the Pacific, Principal Kuno is one smooth Hawaiian operator.  He enjoys pineapples, the ocean, long, romantic walks on the beach, and hacking off people's hair.  He is currently the Principal of Nerima's Furinken High, and his highly creative and original discipline methods have put Furinken at the top of the "Top Ten Schools Guaranteed to Turn Your Child's College Fund Into a Psychologist Fee."  

**Principal**:  Damn straight, keiki!  

**Chris**: moaning The palm tree…. It's… it's laughing at me…

**Anna**:  flatly  You're a little chunky, like you were buff before but have stopped exercising properly for some ungodly reason.  And you're a prime candidate for skin cancer.  7.6 for body.  

**Host**:  Care to elaborate…?

**Anna**:  stares at Host wildly, hissing The sooner he leaves, the longer my hair will remain below my ears.  

**Host**:  Right.  

**Bob**:  rubbing his buzzed head questioningly  I don't see what all this fuss is about.  Principal Kuno, if you would take off your sunglasses, maybe I could judge your face a little more accurately…

**Principal**:  Dat's not gonna happen anytime soon, keiki.  

**Bob**:  Well, in that case you get a 5.0.  You've got nice shiny teeth, but your mouth is too big, your skin is too wrinkly, and your hair is disgusting.  Take a shower, dude.  Eyes the palm tree  And lose the shrub.  It's embarrassing.  And you're scaring Chris.  

**Chris**:  The scary man… take it away… TAKE IT AWAY!!!  chuckles from audience

**Anna**:  6.3 for sex appeal, you creepy, creepy man.  Now go away.  Standing ovation from audience.  Principal Kuno goes off, taking several head of hair and one toupee with him.  

**Host**:  Thanks for tuning in!  We hope so far you've been enjoying this parade of utter hotness (with a few minor exceptions…).  More babes and hunks coming up: the staff of Ucchan's, as well as Ryoga and other pig aficionados.  If you're looking for cute chefs in tights as well as adorable little fangs, stay tuned to "Are You Hot?  The Search for the Sexiest Ranma ½ Characters", after the commercial break!  


End file.
